Free Fall
by Akkiko
Summary: He only wanted a place in someone's life.  Why was Fate begrudging him even that?  Ryoma's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's notes: **Inspired by TAKUYA Jirou's fanfic "An Angel's Tale". It was gorgeous and though I feel sorry for the character, it also inspired me to do a character death one shot, because let's face it. Making others feel like shit for neglecting someone is just my sick fetish. XD

**Title: **Free Fall.

**Summary: **All he wanted was a place. Why would Fate begrudge him even that?

**Pairings: **Ryoma x Momo, Fuji, Tezuka, Shinji, Kentaro, Yuuta, AtobeSanadaAtobeJirouKirihara, various other Yaoi pairings.

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, character death, OOCness.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Prince of Tennis, elsewise Atobe would be dead and there would have been an OVA episode involving Tezuka, the rest of the Seigaku team and a pair of purple hairclips.

**Translations:** Most of the honorifics will be used here. -san, -kun and -chan. The more unpopular one, -buchou is an honorific attatched to the name of the team captains. Basically in saying Tezuka-buchou, you're saying Captain Tezuka. The rest of the Japanese words that aren't used repeatedly have been italicized and have the translation following them in ((double brackets)) after the phrase. I hope that minimalizes confusion and use of translation dictionaries, please forgive any mistakes as this is not my native language and I'm just attempting a shot at it.

* * *

"I was the outcast. The minute I came into Seigaku, the numbers were uneven. Before I came to Seishun Gakuen, the eight Regulars were preset. I was the one who changed that. 

I know.

When I stepped onto the tennis courts that day, I never expected to cause so much strife, so much misery. It first began in the second year of middle school when Momo-senpai asked me out. I was shocked, afraid and curious. Curiosity always wins out with me, it's a fatal flaw. So I accepted, and we grew to love each other, a love born from the closeness of best friends who understand each other in a way no one else can. We were happy that year, mushy is what Horio called us but I didn't care. For once in my life I cared about something other then tennis.

Then Kaidoh-senpai stepped up. Neither of us expected it, we had always though he was involved with Inui-senpai, what with how much training they do secretly together. When he confessed to liking Momo-senpai, I was worried, how were _we_ supposed to fix this? Then Momo-senpai confessed he had liked Kaidoh-senpai for a while too, he'd just thought he had never had a chance.

Guess there was no "we."

We went to the Nationals again that year, and I vented my rage on the court, it was the first time someone had ever called my playing style "dark" and "violent." The one to pay that compliment was Fuji-senpai who had come with the rest of the old regulars to cheer us on. Fuji-senpai was my rebound, he explained he had always known I was the one who made him feel. Ever since that unfinished practice match in the rain, he had considered me **his kouhai**, and no one else's. Something about that possessive nature warmed me inside, I can't explain it. I had always thought myself independent and self-supporting, the realization I wanted to be possessed and that he was willing to do it made me accept the offer to become boyfriends.

For that last year of Middle School I was with Fuji-senpai, and although his tastes in enjoyment were strange, I was curious and determined to overcome them for my "love." I hate him now, him and Tezuka-buchou because he waited a full year to speak. It was right after the finals that year, we took the championship again and I suppose I should be grateful that he at least waited until after the matches to announce that he and Fuji-senpai had been dating for the last three and a half years, going on four. He had been wondering where Fuji had been going off to on weekends and explained he had seen us last Saturday in the movie theatre holding hands and kissing.

Here's the laughable part, apparently Tezuka-buchou had a thing for me ever since my first year in Seigaku, but was with Fuji-senpai so he tried to keep it underwraps. Fuji-senpai was a tensai of course, he caught on quickly and in a plan created of jealousy, decided to seduce me by himself and keep me away from Tezuka-buchou. The fact that he caught me off of Momo-senpai's rejection was just pure luck he told me later. I think that's the first time I've ever slapped someone in the face. I sometimes wonder if I should apologize for that.

I was bitter by the time I entered Highschool, if you'll remember. I wanted nothing to do with love because all it did was hurt me and distract me from tennis. I decided to devote myself to winning the Grand Slam this year, since Mr. Thomson had promised me I would have another chance to play having upset the world when I won the U.S Open at the age of twelve. I envied Oishi-senpai and Eiji-senpai's relationship. Shishido-san and Ootori-san too, it made me consider doubles for a while since it seemed doubles partners didn't want to end up killing each other. That idea ended when I saw how violently Yuushi-san and Gakuto-san's relationship ended, even effecting their tennis play.

Too dangerous I decided and just shoved off love altogether. That was when I realized, in my attempts to get away from the rest of the old Seigaku Regulars, I had placed myself in a prestigious tennis Highschool with a great number of the Fudomine players. That was where I met Ibu and he decided to intergrade me into their group where I was accepted with laughter and smiles. Unlike I would have been at Seigaku where Kaidoh-senpai always hissed at me for having stolen Momo-senpai, and Momo-senpai himself would always be awkward around me now and quickly find an excuse to leave.

Naturally Tezuka-buchou and Fuji-senpai were quiet around me too, and Inui-senpai was too caught up with Taka-senpai to notice me. I don't even want to talk about the Golden Pair because I think I turn as green as my hair with envy and that makes me feel awful. I hope they don't feel too bad though, they weren't exactly too aware of their environment when in each other's company, and I had adopted an expressionless face.

Ibu reintroduced my faith to love, it was rather funny when he just randomly mumbled he liked me along with a sentence of how Kamio-senpai was annoying when Ann-chan was around and that Tachibana-buchou should have kept his hair blonde instead of the bright red it was now. I think he realized what he said a bit too late because he stopped a second later and got up to leave, he was blushing! I couldn't believe it. Of course, when Kamio-senpai was dumped by Ann-chan who apologized but ran off with Sengoku-san all the same, Ibu just looked at me once as we heard the news and I understood.

He let me down gently, he had been my first after all, in both true love and in taking my virginity. We spent one last night together before he comforted Kamio-senpai, who caught me a week later in the cafeteria and bowed so sharply his head hit the table I was sitting at. When we managed to bring him around, he thanked me. A lot, I think I was blushing by then. He grinned and made a stupid joke that he'd never seen me blush before and I told him that if he wanted me to keep blushing, then he could keep shouting about his stupid rhythym at night when he was in Ibu's room which was next to mine. I don't think he ever bugged me about that again, but we became close friends. After Ibu, a string of lovers followed in my first and second year at Highschool. Kentaro snagged me somehow, not sure exactly how he managed, but we were alright for a while until he realized that our personalities were impossibly different and we broke up on mutual agreement. Yuuta also caught my eye for a while. He was the first person I ever reached out to snare for a lover of my own will instead of someone coming to me. It lasted until my third year of Highschool, before Mizuki-san swept him away and I was alone again.

My first year of University was when I thought everything was set in stone. I was invited into an already steady relationship. At first my mind was boggled at the thought of becoming involved with not only two, but three people and all of whom I had thought disliked me for the havoc I played on Seigaku's team, and resultingly their "worthy" opponents. I learned quickly this was not the case and was welcomed with open arms by Yukimura, Sanada and Atobe. Second year of University passed and Atobe managed to lure in Akutagawa into our love life and he, having just been dumped by Marui-san was comforted and found solace in our arms. Somehow I noticed that Kirihara was pining after Sanada and after some consulting with the group confronted him and invited him into our arms as well. We loved each other deeply, and it showed everywhere.

Secret smiles we shot each other at dinner in the dorm's cafeteria, the way we would be content to sit close- very close- to each other in classes or in the baths, or the way one of us would mysteriously end up in another's room in the morning. Weekends were bliss, we spent them together at Atobe's mansion or secret cabins, playing tennis and naturally with Atobe, having wild sex parties. I knew things would change, but I wished to prolong them for as much as I could. Eventually we became known as the Royal Six of the Kantou region. No one could beat us, not even Tezuka-buchou or Fuji-senpai.

Then it happened.

Yukimura and Sanada were the first to retreat from our relationship. There was no explanation, no words spoken, two of the six broke off and no matter how many calls we made or letters we sent, they were never returned or answered. When Kirihara confronted them, he came back shaken and said they were never going to come back. I didn't expect Kirihara to stay with us much longer, since he had joined us initially for Sanada. What surprised and hurt me was that he claimed this had been a mistake and left as well.

We had been a mistake...? I didn't want to think that the true love and warmth I had felt for Kirihara had been like that, but I said nothing. I truly turned into Tezuka-buchou in that aspect, I can never express myself the way I want to. Later we learned Kirihara had been taken into Sanada and Yukimura's relationship. Maybe it was a Rikkai thing. At least that's what I would believe if Atobe hadn't suddenly run off with Oshitari-san leaving Jirou and myself alone. But before I knew it Jirou too had left, gone with Gakuto who had found it in him to put up with our lovely chronic sleeper. I laughed myself silly that night I found myself all alone and thought I should have seen it coming.

The days to follow were hollow. I was no longer self-supporting after three years of having five lovers to turn to, and that sickened me. They had all moved on, surely I could too? It didn't seem that way and after a pitiful ranking tournament to decide the school's best players for the Nationals, I was dropped from the Regulars and replaced with Kabaji-kun. Those eyes were apologetic as the announcement was made, but I forgave him. Atobe had told him to win. So he won.

Marionette on strings, I felt more used than even if I had been in Kabaji's shoes.

I suppose that's what found me wandering last night, I felt so pathetic that I had allowed myself to be so distracted by people who obviously thought what we had to be so shallow, that I had forgotten my goal of becoming the world's number one tennis player. That's how **he** found me. I don't know who he was, he got me from behind and when I woke up I wished I was dead. How I managed to escape is anyone's guess.

I feel so filthy, I can't bare the thought of seeing any of you. I guess standing here I realize what a mistake my life has been. What have I done to your lives?

Because of me, Kaidoh-senpai suffered a year in silence because I had Momo-senpai's heart. For nearly a year and a half Fuji-senpai cheated on Tezuka-buchou and I nearly broke that relationship just by being **there**. Seiichi, I know you feel guilty because you convinced Genichirou to leave the rest of us. I saw it in your eyes in the tournament. I don't blame you, I realized that being homosexual when your parents are Christian couldn't have been easy, especially when you were involved with more than one man. Gen, I don't blame you or Akaya either. You loved someone more then the rest of us, and I'm grateful you were honest and didn't pin yourselves down for us. Even if you didn't leave a note.

Keigo, you're a monkey-king and always will be. You could have just explained that you were saving Oshitari-san from Sakaki-sensei. I hope you can put him behind bars where he belongs. Jirou, next time just tell your boyfriends that you need to be there for your crush since Middle School who just got dumped by his boyfriend. If you had said that I would have understand and wished you and Gakuto-san all the best, I would have even played Marui-san and beaten him senseless in a match for dumping both of you.

Kikumaru-senpai, I'm sorry for luring you away from Oishi-senpai. Oishi-senpai, I'm sorry for putting a strain on your relationship and I'm glad you're together, I don't think I could have stood it if you two had broken up for me. Shishido-san, Choutaro-san thank you for supporting me when I was left alone. I'm glad I could count you among my friends.

Kamio-kun, Ibu, Tachibana-buchou, thanks for listening. I'm glad I switched to that school and got to play with you for a while.

_Minna _((Everyone)), I'm sorry for rambling on like this. I guess faced with what I'm about to do, I wanted someone to talk to, but what am I talking about? It's six in the fucking morning, no one is up. I'm talking to a goddamn machine. I've just spilt my entire life on you and what I'm about to do is even more selfish, but I can't take it. I feel so disgusting. Sorry Ryuzaki-sensei. I won't be at the Senbatsu Training Camp this summer."

_A choked sob._

"I hope you can forgive me. I'm so sorry."

_As I press the end button on the phone, a tear drips down my cheek. Clutching the torn ends of my shirt over my chest, I move to the cliff and look over. What has always seemed to be dark and raging waters looks so welcoming now._

_I should worry about that, right? _

_The time to worry is past. My foot tests the edge, why am I being cautious? It's all the same in the way I go down right?_

_No, standing there, I let my hands fall to my side as the sun dots the horizon, golden rays streaking across the clouds._

_I lift my arms up to my side. I fall forward._

_Ah. That's why I was cautious, this is why it was so important in the way I fell._

_I've recreated a feeling I've only felt on the tennis court, and I haven't felt it in so long. As I fall into the water, I savour that feeling as cold darkness wraps around me, holds me close and accepts me as I don't fight back._

_My lips are in a smile as I feel cleaned of everything. Sleep begins to claim me and I fall to it feeling that emotion as the last thing I ever feel._

_That moment when I was free._

* * *

As Kaidoh wiped the sweat from his brow with the cotton towel around his neck, his breathing had panned out evenly as he entered the Senbatsu Training Camp's main building. Crossing the hallway that lead to the dorms, he inwardly wondered where Echizen was, they hadn't seen him since he had been dropped from his University's Regulars, which was strange as Hanamura-sensei assured them he had been sent an invitation nonetheless for the upcoming Goodwill matches in the Fall, it was a special request from Kevin Smith after all. As he moved towards the stairs, he blinked as he saw the beeping red light of an answering machine on the secretary's desk and stared at it curiously.

Had someone called in the dead of the night? If so that usually meant it was an emergency. With concerned eyes, Kaidoh moved towards the machine and clicked the play button, waiting tensely as the tape rewinded and began to spew out a broken voice he recognized immediately.

"_Ohayo, minna. Genki des ka? Echizen-des..._" ((Morning, everyone. How's it going? It's Echizen...))


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's notes: **This brief sequel of everyone's reactions was an intended write when I re-read the story and couldn't resist torturing the boys some more.

A seperate sequel however will be started, I pin it to be about maybe two to three chapters long, exceptionally short and quickly done. It'll probably be finished by today, tomorrow at the very latest. If anyone is rejoicing, you have kiyoshi kiia to thank as I was debating a sequel but probably never would have gone through with it since the concept is horribly cliched and I try to avoid those plotlines like the plague...

* * *

What an unforgettable morning. I can feel it searing through my thoughts and I know no matter how hard I try, it will never leave. The first to learn what had happened was Kaidoh, poor guy. Heard he froze up for ten good minutes before he scrambled to find Tezuka's room, his first instinct was to tell his captain. After Tezuka and Fuji found out (because they always sleep in the same room) the next was probably us. I had had a premonition, some bad feeling in the middle of the night and pathetically enough I hadn't been able to sleep so I crawled into bed with Genichirou and Seiichi and they welcomed me lovingly. 

Seiichi was distracted though, and kept moaning throughout the night as if he knew something bad was happening or going to happen too. We learned what happened around 7:45 in the morning when Gen got a call from Niou-senpai. It took us another 20 minutes to wrench what had happened out from him as the phone slipped from his fingers.

By ten-o-clock everyone had gathered around the answering machine in the lobby as Tachibana, the closest captain to Echizen at the time, reached with shaky hands to press the play button. No matter how much Ryuzaki-sensei or Hanamura-sensei complained, we needed to listen to it. We wanted to know why. He had to know.

If it hadn't been such a horrifying event, I probably would have laughed at our reactions. For the first time since Ryoma had told me about his first relationship, the stupid Viper actually looked guilty and miserable. Momoshiro, par usual, got angry and slammed his fist into the wall, breaking skin and cried for a good four hours. Fuji fainted and Tezuka barely caught him in time, how I can hardly guess because he looks like he isn't seeing anything here right now. Kamio and Shinji look miserable, but I catch a faint smile playing off their lips as my kouhai's precious voice tells how fondly he remembers the times with them. They look like they're suffering more than anyone.

Except maybe Shishido and Ootori, they look downright miserable. Shishido isn't crying, but that's because if he starts to cry, Ootori will break down completely. He's sobbing quietly right now as it is. I never knew they were the two who supported Ryoma after we left him. I'll have to thank them when I can remember how to think properly. Yukimura is gripping mine and Gen's hand tightly, his expression strained. Gen and I can't help but share a look, how on Earth did Ryoma find out? We had meant to keep it a secret, hoping that if we acted like bastards he could freely hate us and have some peace of mind.

Damn tensai.

I wished for a moment he could see Keigo, it's the first time his monkey-king isn't grinning smugly or frowning in displeasure. He is openly crying, face buried in his hands as Oshitari hugs him. Why do we all feel so damn guilty? Ryoma was the one who jumped, he even apologized and admitted he was at fault, that he didn't hold anyone responsible, save for that fact he hated Fuji and Tezuka.

At best, I was probably briefly mentioned.

My hands shook as he said he forgave me and Gen, a sharp pain lanced through my chest and I vaguely remember crumpling to the floor. Why can't I stop crying? Jirou is taking it the worst of the remaining "Royal Five." Gakuto and Hiyoshi have their hands full as he's slamming his fists on the floor screaming "LIES!" As the message ends off at last with Ryoma's broken voice moaning how sorry he is, I snap.

"DAMN YOU." I bellow and everyone jumps, looking at me. "IF YOU'RE SO DAMN SORRY WHY..." I break off, my throat closing up in sorrow. "Why... why didn't you tell anyone...?" I suddenly sob and clench my fists so tightly the nails break skin and I bleed.

The training camp was cancelled, Kevin Smith threw a crying fit of his own when he heard the news. Funny, I hadn't realized they had been so close either. The police found Ryoma's cellphone at the edge of a cliff and we know he jumped. We still can't find the body and I'm praying they can, for closure. Seiichi has snapped completely at that point, I think, he keeps thinking Ryoma is alive and is going to come back to us.

I doubt it.

And I realize why we all felt so guilty. No matter what happened in our lives, on the tennis court we were all the same, friends, allies, players of the same sport and when you play tennis, you can see into the other's soul. How is it then... that the greatest players of the Kantou region couldn't figure out the heart of a single twenty year old prodigy? We were his lovers, we should have known.

Tachibana is having the hardest time of all. He feels like he's failed as a captain. Tezuka and Fuji won't even talk about him, their eyes are haunted and I hear their relationship is being strained.

The first time the press tried to interview me, I jerked the camera out of his hands and threw it to the pavement with such force, it smashed to a thousand pieces, no joke. When they tried to go for the softer, more timid Seiichi, Genichirou banned them from the tennis courts and told them if he saw them on the school grounds bugging our captain again, he'd personally take that mic. and stab someone's eye out with it. I would've laughed if I wasn't enraged myself.

Keigo is currently sueing a journalist company for invasion of privacy, and he's winning the case too. Jirou falls asleep during interviews and the reporters have grown so frustrated they ignore him completely. We reunite every Saturday now at Keigo's house. Sometimes we talk like nothing's wrong, sometimes we play some tennis. And more often than we'd like to admit, we just lie on the bed where we all used to convene once and remember what it was like to have an arrogant, laughing kouhai there with us.

Stupid Ryoma.

The funeral's tomorrow.


	3. Note

**A sequel has indeed been made and posted as a separate story called "Landing".   
****Please go look if it interests you and I would appreciate it if you reviewed.**

**Arigatou gozaimashta.**

To everyone who has reviewed and subscribed so far, thank you for your support. I'm glad that my story caught so much interest and hope you look forward to the rest of my stories.  
Also, an OC that appears in Landing will be making more appearances in Prince of Tennis stories to come, please cheer on my crippled tennis player! XD


End file.
